Stop the Screaming

     God Almighty, when will it end? Morning, noon, and night it continues. I wake up to hear my kids fighting over a ridiculous little thing like who has the cuter sippy cup. I sit down to eat a rushed but hopefully pleasant breakfast, and my wife stands over me, hands on hips, and nags me about one thing or another.

     "You were snoring last night, Christopher. That's the fourth time this week. I tossed and turned all night. I didn't get any sleep. Did you hear me, Christopher? Answer me!"

     "Yes, dear, I heard you," I answer quietly as I spread butter on my raisin cinnamon bagel. The sugary scent that wafts into my nostrils is the only form of "good morning" to come my way.

     People are hollering at each other as I walk outside to my car, briefcase in hand. "Why does your dog have to crap on my lawn?" the man across the street asks his next-door neighbor. "You think I want to come outside to this mess first thing in the morning?"

     Drivers take their frustrations out on each other because of a detour on the way to work. They honk, yell, give each other the finger, and throw where-do-you-think-you're-going looks at each other. It's enough to drive a sane man to the nearest nuthouse.

     I arrive at work to find my boss ripping some poor co-worker to shreds just because he dared to ask for help in operating the brand new, monster-sized copy machine. Because the walls are so thin, I can hear the boss barking at his wife on the phone ten minutes later, because she bothered him while he was preparing for a ten o'clock meeting. At said meeting, the boss and his partner throw the F word around more times than the characters in "Goodfellas," because someone on the staff dropped the ball and neglected to deliver last month's newsletter on time.

     I come home to hear more eardrum-shattering screams from the kids as they hurl ice cream at each other, which they are not even supposed to be eating before dinner. My wife is half screaming at them to stop it and half bickering with her mother on the phone.

     I turn on the TV at night, hoping to unwind a little before I head off to bed, and I hear the usual medley of shootings and explosions in some over-the-top action movie. I change the channel, and some woman is screaming for help in the midst of an attempted rape. I change the channel again, and this time some inane reality show is featuring a newlywed couple firing insults and complaints at each other.

     There is just too damn much noise in the world. I even hear echoes of the screaming in my head as I am trying like hell to fall asleep. What will it take to get a break from it? Do I have to wait until I am six feet under the ground? Why are peace and quiet so highly underrated? Who decided to prove that the only way you're alive in this world is to verbally attack someone, scream, curse, and raise the level of noise pollution?

     I think I have one or possibly two nerves left that are just barely functioning, Those nerves feel like the last couple of wires that hold a crystal chandelier together. No one around me realizes how fed up I am, but they will one day, if the screaming doesn't stop. My wife does not realize how disgusted her Christopher is, and that he has been way too tolerant for way too long. One of these days, Christopher is going to put an end to the screaming once and for all.

     And God help everyone if and when that day comes, because let's face it. No one wants to be standing near a crystal chandelier if those last two wires snap and it falls from the ceiling.